Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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