im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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