I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
