Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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