i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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