at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
