matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
