Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
