I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize