When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
