So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
