So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
