Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
