Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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