I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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