dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
