You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize