wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
