dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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