operation have a gay friend backfired
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
