Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
