Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
