your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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