Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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