At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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