After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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