bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
