he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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