Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
