Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
