We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
