the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
