he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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