is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I smell like Dick and happiness
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
