I love black thongs
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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