just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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