Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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