i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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