Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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