your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
