she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
