Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
