We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
