puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
