A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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