So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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