I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
