Porn is love you can see.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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