i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
only you would photoshop your dick
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
