hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
