Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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