member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
