I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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