No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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