Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
