Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
