you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize