he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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