Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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