If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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