Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
