Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
