Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
