The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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