i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize