I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
