Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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